tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-851296522341921203.post5488736623134680007..comments2023-07-10T02:00:20.392-04:00Comments on Pony Fiction Vault: device heretic's EternalRBDash47http://www.blogger.com/profile/05783009408610175254noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-851296522341921203.post-82851323914927731592012-04-18T12:41:13.180-04:002012-04-18T12:41:13.180-04:00This is definitely a *fanfic* first and foremost. ...This is definitely a *fanfic* first and foremost. In that respect, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.<br /><br />As a *story*, I'd say it was lacking. The dream sequence goes on a LONG time, and then it switches to the 'extra-planar' sequence, which is just as long again, if not more so. Great stuff for us fanboys, but geekism does not a good story make.<br /><br />I think it's the fact that Device Heretic tries to explain everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING. Too much for one story, I think, and there are two sides to that problem. One is the sheer volume of information to be handed over. As I said, that is less of an issue with us ravenous fanboys, but it's still very noticeable. The other problem is that the more you try and explain, the greater the risk of something not quite making sense, either to the reader, or in relation to the established backstory, AND the less mystery there is to keep a reader hooked.<br /><br />Then there's the cop-out with Celestia's punishment. Undercutting a built up and execution (that were already too long, in my opinion) by simply avoiding the tragedy kinda ruined the ending completely for me.<br /><br />Lastly, speaking of ending, this is a fantastic example of an author not knowing when to end the story. It could have ended after the dream sequence. It could have ended after Celestia's revelations. It could have ended after the first wave of bonus time. Each time it didn't, it left me feeling adrift as the reader. It didn't feel well paced because all it seemed to do was build, without the back-and-forth that makes a good story. If you build too long, even the best suspense becomes a bit samey. <br /><br />All that said, I sincerely thank Device Heretic for writing the story, and I enjoyed reading it.InquisitorMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10209346997929773686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-851296522341921203.post-53115129549441061562012-04-14T17:14:39.387-04:002012-04-14T17:14:39.387-04:00Sharp wit as usual device heretic. Also Skype stal...Sharp wit as usual device heretic. Also Skype stalked for reasons.<br /><br />Great writing tips, finally I understand why some fics I read seem like they meander too much despite being so much shorter than Eternal.Jykinturahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04649583912457644314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-851296522341921203.post-34127273243895568362012-04-14T05:46:43.527-04:002012-04-14T05:46:43.527-04:00Glad to see this on here. As shining examples go o...Glad to see this on here. As shining examples go of how to masterfully incorporate themes and ideas within natural dialogue, this is a great one. Beautiful character development.Mystichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03814377439751758620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-851296522341921203.post-11812974974876796772012-04-13T12:18:56.986-04:002012-04-13T12:18:56.986-04:00When Eternal was wrapping up, I had been in the pr...When <i>Eternal</i> was wrapping up, I had been in the process of trying to finish my own lengthy story. I felt like I was failing at the time (and many argue that, ultimately, I did, but that's neither here nor there)--I felt that I was just dragging the story on and on with no end in sight. <br /><br />The running joke with my primary reviewer was that if I needed to hammer out some words for the sake of not getting mired, I'd have my focus characters sitting around talking over tea or food, as that had been a recurring trend in my story. It became a taboo subject with me, mostly because I felt that if I had characters sitting around just talking over tea, no one would be interested in reading that.<br /><br />Then I read the final chapters of <i>Eternal</i> and felt a lot better about the subject : P<br /><br />Of course, you executed your premise a hell of a lot better than me, but it's nice to see how it should be done.<br /><br />Now, that aside, I'll say that I enjoyed your story, for the most part. I felt that Celestia's "punishment" was sort of a cop-out, in that it was almost a reward for essentially raping another sentient being for its power over the course of a thousand years. It's tricky when you get venture into the mindset of immortals, since it's not like we have a good frame of reference, so what's believable behavior to you might just feel bizarre and alien to me. YMMV is the term, I believe. <br /><br />But yes, your writing, while lengthy as all get out, is quite enjoyable, at least from what I've read: your story about knowing Celestia, and your other story about *cough* <i>knowing</i> Celestia. <br /><br />In one way, it's a shame that you won't be writing for the fandom anymore (if I understand correctly), but that's just a selfish desire to get something good for free. I have a not-quite-friend who's done self-publication, and it sounds like an interesting path to tread. I wish you the best of luck, and hey, if you're interested, maybe I could connect you two if you just want another perspective. If so, PM me on FiMFiction. <br /><br />-DrakDrakmirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13669122928866258216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-851296522341921203.post-10645294189650925562012-04-13T12:10:37.302-04:002012-04-13T12:10:37.302-04:00Eternal is one of my favorite MLP fanfics, so it&#...<i>Eternal</i> is one of my favorite MLP fanfics, so it's nice to get a bit of background... <i>and</i> a recommendation! I've not read <i>Composure</i>, so I need to go find that one.iisawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07580003128341580915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-851296522341921203.post-32379432563127416232012-04-13T09:25:09.271-04:002012-04-13T09:25:09.271-04:00*trembles*
*trotts off to read**trembles*<br /><br />*trotts off to read*InquisitorMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10209346997929773686noreply@blogger.com